I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
