Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
