My first STD was from a foam party
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
