I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
