I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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