I think my fart just growled at me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
