Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
