Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
