how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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