no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
