Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
