I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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