my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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