I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
