i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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