I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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