So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
