I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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