You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
