Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
