Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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