No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
