peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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