It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
