careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
