I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
