Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
