i need an iv and a liver transplant
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
