hell yes lets make some ravioli
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
