just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
