I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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