is your mom at the bar?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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