you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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