I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
