You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize