I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
