Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
