I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
