you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
