Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
