drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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