I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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