i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
