he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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