i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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