Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
