i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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