I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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