Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
