oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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