Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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