direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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