you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
