mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
