Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
