My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
