not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
