I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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