I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
