Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
