I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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