you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
