Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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