Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
