my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In America we eat man semen.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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