I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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