so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
