I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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