I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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