Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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