Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
