Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
