i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
