I'm jealous of your bromance
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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