Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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