All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
