I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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